WeAreTBI.org - The Social Support Network for People Living with Traumatic Brain Injury

Barbara

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Hi Pamela, I haven't been online much of late...and I am reaching out in desperation, fear, anxiety. I don't know what is happening to me...it started about two to three weeks ago with horrendous nightmares every night and though I am sleeping, I feel sleep deprived because of them. Two days ago, I went in to see my primary doc and she doesn't know what is going on nor what to do; I am very sensitive to medications and have had several reactions to antibiotics and other meds in the past two mths. I feel like I am losing it here and I am scared; have been holed up like a hermit the past two days because I can't stand much noise, stimulation, etc. I did some online research and think that my body may be going into its own state of withdrawal from the Valium that was added to my medications several months ago because of financial/family issues. It is not comforting to know that no one seems to know what is going on or what to do??? I am discouraged....but I am feeling it as intense anxiety and fear. I don't know where to turn....my PTSD is flaring so those intrusive memories are most unwelcome. Laurie, my friend, is supportive but feels helpless. I am backsliding on my cognitive abilities which is scaring me as well. I know that you have a deep faith...I am struggling with that as well and have been for some time. I think one trigger was the suicide of a neuropsychologist I had once worked with before my BI as well as being tested by him after my first BI and again after the fall in 2006. That brought forth a plethora of memories of my parents suicides. So....I am just reaching out for a friend. I want someone to tell me what is going on and that I will make it through this....I would like to know how things can be going along okay and like a light switch, something snaps and I am a total basket case once again. I hope you don't mind listening to me vent.....am just really really scared right now and reaching out for a friend who can believe in me when I can't right now. hugs, Barb

42 months ago

david

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have a good wek

43 months ago

Barbara

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Just a quick hello for now...my dogs needed to go out to do their thing and thought I would check my email real quick. I am headed back to bed...am tired and hoping to catch some more zzzz's.
Your sons are wonderful young men! Give them a hug for me.....helps restore my faith in humanity and families. I hear you about losing friends....most of my pre-injury friends were colleagues and one by one drifted away; I guess that is just life when one's journey takes a different path...but it doesn't make the loss and grieving process any easier. I, too, am glad that I found this site; I also belong to a few others online and have one "bestest" real live friend who lives nearby; she has suffered several strokes from an auto-immune disease and lupus; I met her when I spoke with my psychologist at a support group for BI. She moved to here to Traverse City three years ago and we live less than a mile apart! I feel so fortunate to have her in my life...I swear we are soul sisters; our relationship is one where we don't always have to talk or be doing something...sometimes we just hang out or "porch it', as we call it....sit on her porch or my patio and just enjoy the silence of each other's company. I hope this makes sense....I don't do mornings very well; have always been nocturnal by nature and this is early for me. yawning here...so will sign off for now. Take care, my new friend. hugs, Barb

43 months ago

Larry

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Hey Pamela,
My wife, too, had trouble with letters - but only two of them. She writes B for P and P for B.

Hope to stay in touch with you.

43 months ago

Barbara

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Morning Pamela, glad you had a chance to check out the NORA site. Girlfriend, I hear you loud and clear about being sick of doctors!!! My whole life revolves around appts and has for some time now....but better than sitting around doing nothing which usually leads me to thinking about what I would be doing if I hadn't sustained the brain injuries....which inevitably leads me to circling the drain. So...despite being sick of docs, it gives me something to do at least three, sometimes four days out of the week. I haven't found a place to put my energies that I can consistently do...I hate not being able to plan ahead or commit to something. I have found that one of the big challenges of living with TBI...not being able to plan because I don't know how I will feel on a certain day. :( Like yesterday, I was just exhausted....I had one doc appt and came home, mowed the lawn and was wiped out. Finally just gave in and took a long nap and still slept last night without a problem! Good thing all my furbabies are older, they loved it!!! lol!
I hope you do take the time to check out the vision therapy; it was worth the time/effort and sometimes tears to complete my program, but I am grateful that it returned my ability to read, improved my balance and helped with my deficits wherever numbers were concerned. Still have trouble with numbers...threes and eights still play tricks with me as do sixes and nines...sometimes I catch it and sometimes I don't. But this is one therapy that I am so glad I discovered and followed up on. I, too, found out about it from an online friend with a BI who lives in Tennessee. Networking is really important for us; I have learned so much from fellow survivors.
Looks like it is going to be a nice day here; may be scattered showers later which would be most welcomed, otherwise I will need to water my flowers later today. And I have two appts...one with my primary doc and one with my psychologist. I see my psychologist once a week and when things begin going south, more often. You are so very fortunate that your two sons are present and supportive; I have three children and only one remains a presence in my life...her name is Maya and I don't know what I would do without her in my life....she is a friend, confident as well as my daughter....don't get me wrong, we have our "bouts" like every other mother/daughter, but I am grateful she is in my life...as well as her son, Carter, who is five now...he is the song in my heart...most days!!! I called Maya yesterday and needed to talk to her and Carter told me that she was outside laying in the sun while his daddy was cutting the lawn...Jeff (Maya's hubby and Carter's daddy) is a law enforcement officer and works four ten hour days per week but the shift varies. Anyway...I asked Carter to take the phone to Mommy and he told me he was busy playing a video game and next thing I knew....click! I called him back several times and eventually he quit picking the phone up...I tried everything, said I was the tooth fairy, his imaginary wife who he has named Crystal, Santa Claus, nothing worked! lol! Don't know who is more immature...him or me??? lol! Maya was cracking up when she listened to the messages I left and we finally connected in the early evening. So that was my laugh for yesterday!
Take care girlfriend. Looking forward to hearing from you.
hugs, Barb

43 months ago

Barbara

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Hi Pamela, thanks for the invite. Looking forward to getting to know you better. I have a doc appt soon and I am sitting here still PJ'ed and need to get moving or would write more. Just a quick question for you...has anyone mentioned vision therapy to you? I have "graduated" twice from a vision therapy program and found that it helped me immensely with reading, numbers, letters, balance. The reason I graduated twice was because I have sustained more than one BI and needed to return. You can read more about vision therapy on nora.com, I think that is the web addy...or google vision therapy and NORA should come up. Just sharing. Take care, my new friend.
hugs, Barb

43 months ago

Pamela

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thanks I am looking forward to meeting people who will understand what I go thru daily

43 months ago

Stephen

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Welcome Pamela!! If you need some help with the site, give me a shout!! Hope all's well with you..

43 months ago